Stress Eating

A few months ago, I was having a massive amount of anxiety, and rushed over to the cafe here to get some food. I was also "hungry" (but what I'm finding is my anxiety often acts like hunger), but I got a huge salad with tons of chicken, spinach, etc. I.e. no tater tots or brownies.

I started to flog myself for this; saying horrible things to myself like you know, you really shouldn't be eating in response to anything but hunger. You shouldn't be reaching for food to provide you with anything besides nourishment.

But then I thought, no, fuck that. Eating makes me feel good and I'm not cracking out on Doritos, I'm eating healthy food and yes, the above crappy admonishments are also true, but when I'm at capacity is not the best time to be acting all perfectionisty. It's like a ship sinking and I know I should jump but I'm concerned about my cannonball form. WTF.

Also, I was talking to my therapist the other night and she reminded me that eating is very grounding to me. And rather than try to make that not be the case and I really wish I was more like that one blogger who never ever celebrates with food, I am not. I am me. And food and eating IS very very grounding to me. And I think it will always be. I can't wish it another way; I can be careful and mindful of the bottomless bag of potato chips night, as I am. I can choose healthy things and eat slowly to savor my food and really ENJOY the grounding experience rather than rushing through my meals, wishing I wasn't this way, and just hoping for the best.

I feel like I need to end on some uplifting sentence here, but that's truly all I got today to say about this. Savoring food and honoring my authenticity, FTW.

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