Circular habits

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been working really hard on addressing the root cause of my anxiety. It's going well. Without going into a lot of specifics, there are some very significant parts of my life that I can't control, unfortunately, and well, that causes a lot of anxiety. I've done a lot of work around co-dependency and asking for what I need and not taking on other people's stuff, and that has also been helpful.

But I think the most helpful thing was to just admit I have anxiety; the attempts to hide it or conceal it or minimize it made it so much worse.

In fact, I think ignoring my true needs or not being entirely honest with myself was causing tons and tons of stress in general. For instance, today I'm exhausted and have been all day. I first go to the place of THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE GET IT TOGETHER WHAT THE HELL. Then I go to FIX THIS RIGHT NOW DRINK MOARRRRR COFFEEEEE AND PUSH THROUGH.

Normally, my next step would be go work out and work out my obvious anxiety around this.

Instead, today I'm just gonna take a fucking nap. Because isn't that easier? TIRED = NAP. This is so painfully obvious when I type it out, but oh.my.god it's not in my head, most days. I have to somehow go through these circular gyrations. I'm hopeful with enough practice I can just START at hey, I'm going back to bed I'm tired. That's what I really wanted today, and didn't ask for it. Booooo.

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