Not That Good of Mornings

I joke, but the morning I yelled at Lucia left me nauseous and bawling. Yelling at her is not OK and I apologized profusely and promised to try to never do it again. She's testing boundaries. She told me last week I ruined her life, after I wiped her butt. She likes to drag out our morning and evening routines and it makes for super stressful mornings, as I have a very narrow window of when Espen doesn't need to eat, I don't have to pump. Taking her to school takes at least 40 minutes, and that's without traffic, which I often encounter on the way home. So mornings have been tough. Really tough. Pete leaves for work at 5:15 so I'm flying solo, and last week I came home two of the four mornings and bawled. She's adjusting, I keep reminding myself. She's been overall really great with Espen, minus getting up in his biz a million times a day. Just as I get him to sleep she'll come over and say HI BABY BRUDDER or try to kiss him a hundred times. It's charming for a bit, then it gets annoying, as before mentioned timing in the mornings is so critical. If he's screaming, I can't put him down, which means I can't pump, which means the whole thing is delayed, which runs into his feeding time, which KILL ME NOW.

So.

We're trying really hard; Pete talked to her about helping me out in the mornings, and I've prayed for patience and dig deep when I'm about to lose it. It seems to be working. I remind her as she starts to act up that we don't want to have a bad morning, do we? We all need just an extra bit of compassion and patience these days. Hopefully things will continue to improve; this period is not forever and is a blip on the managing two kids horizon, I realize. We'll be OK.

Comments

  1. I remember all of this so well. It is HARD.

    Maybe try a "token system" with Lucia where she can earn a "token" for a smooth morning or for being quiet when Espen is sleeping. I know you probably already know this stuff. She could earn an extra cookie or extra story or whatever.

    I had my second baby around the same time as a few other moms I knew in town from a playgroup. We all were having it tough and adjusting to caring for a newborn and a toddler. One story a mom told has stayed with me all of these years and makes me laugh still (and boy, did it make me feel normal then). One morning while she is trying to breastfeed new baby and manage the mayhem of her other little guy who kept repeating "Cracker, cracker, cracker" over and over again. She said that she threw the cracker at him and said "here's your fucking cracker!" We've all been there. Believe me. Just think in your head "here's your fucking cracker" when things feel overwhelming and take lots of deep breaths.

    Don't worry, you yelling at Lucia will not become who you are as a mother. You are human and we all have our boiling point. Hey, she learns that moms make mistakes, too, and that we're still learning, too.

    It's crazy-town right now.

    PS. Yes, it may be a blip on the horizon, but it definitely doesn't always feel like that the time. I remember many times thinking, "So this is it. This crazy is my new reality??"

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    1. Ah thank you so much Julie. It's been a tough week. I cried so much last week, it was just brutal. I love the story of the fucking cracker -- so hilarious and exactly what I'm going through. I forget that she's four and not my age and can't be my partner on this, as much as I reward her for being my "helper." Things went better this morning and lately, I've asked her what's next to do on her morning routine chart and once I back off a bit, she's able to complete the tasks. We thought about sticker charts, but I want to stick with the chart we made together (all three of us) so we're not trying a new system. Thanks so much for your support. You rule.

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  2. Yeah what Julie said- I promise you any parent who is so upset about yelling at her child then it is OK to yell- I promise you- I agree with Julie- is it ideal no but we aren't robots and our kids aren't either.We mess up, we yell, we say we are sorry and move on. Don't tell her it is never going to happen again because well you are human and sometimes we lose our temper. Plenty of happy of kids have human parents- I promise. Hang in there- mine are 2.5 years apart and the baby toddler thing is really tough but it gets better.

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