Ugh

Pregnancy anxiety, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. We are recovering from the flu but I can't seem to get settled down. Pete said this morning it's probably hormonal after I told him about my crazy nightmare where he was doing some weird underwater stunt and basically I had to tell him goodbye in case he died. So yeah. It's probably just a way of the body trying to protect the baby and promote stability or something, I don't know. It's worth noticing; I'm always super nervous when it happens like this because in the past it was a forewarning to depression coming along, so when you add in that element PLUS being anxious on top of it and it's a bit nerve-wracking.

Yesterday I was in such a state I cleaned out a kitchen cabinet in 10 minutes. Like I was on speed or something.

I also made almond butter, and hoped it, paired with an apple, would settle me down. No such luck, which is a mixed blessing. Three weeks of not using food to soothe me has apparently worked.

I'm upping the magnesium today, aiming for more deep breaths, and am trying to ride it out/channel it in the form of nesting. Our place is getting pretty decluttered, which is great. I'm working from home today; flu recovery is uh, slow-going. Last night after a half-day at the office I wanted to cry I was so tired. A nap is a must today, which is why I'm up so early to get the rest of my shiz done. Also, pregnancy anxiety = no sleeping. Agggghhhhh. I'm repeating myself.

I know this is just part of it, and the tough part is holding on tight during times like this: being aware and fine-tuning my routine so I'm taking care of myself is critical, I know. But it's still tough.


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