Friends, I have gained too much weight this month. I'm not going to say how much, and look, we all know it's less than last time, but I've still gained too much and at this trajectory, I'll be well above where I want to be by the time I get to 40 weeks. Gulp. Also? I've had these oh fuck it thoughts lately, that I know are just a result of shaken confidence from the weight gain. I've said it before and I'll say it again, good choices lead to good choices. Once I'm in the oh fuck it mindset, it all goes downhill. I can't be in that place. The other challenge is one some level I convince myself that I need to be eating more carbs. I do not need to be eating more carbs. I eat more carbs and the scale goes up exponentially. That's all the evidence I need that I do not need to be eating more carbs.
So. I took a deep breath this morning and put on my Coach Hat. What has changed in the last month? Fruit. Eating fruit daily; sometimes twice a day. Eating less vegetables. Endless peanut butter.
It's tempting to want to do a Whole 30 again, to clean up my diet and aim for this super restrictive plan, which worked for me in the past. But Lean Eating has taught me otherwise; that system doesn't work for me anymore. While I'm not opposed to doing it in the future, today it feels too restrictive and all about deprivation. Instead it helps to focus on today; what am I doing TODAY to do better and reach my goals?
My goals today: aim for five servings of vegetables. Eliminate fruit and other garbage like tortilla chips and peanut butter (still a trigger food for me, as much as I hate to admit it).
And it also helps to frame it correctly: I'm not depriving myself of these things. If I'm honest with myself I know that I feel light-years better when I'm eating just protein, veggies and fat. Not daily bananas or apples slogged through peanut butter. It's not that I can't have those things, it's that I FEEL BETTER when I'm eating other stuff. And I'm super thankful that I'm not craving garbage like last time; vegetables actually taste really good. Plus I feel less like a junkie who needs a fix when I'm just eating other stuff.
One day at a time. Here I go. Wave pom poms for me, por favor? I need all the support I get; it's a struggle to maintain moderation and most of all, for me to listen to what I intuitively know and follow through. (Understatement of the century)