Embracing Who You Are
My god, did you vomit from that title? I nearly did, because it's SO campy and overused, but dammit, that is what I did this week, plain and simple.
The back story: 1. Pete's contract job ended this week. We saw it coming, then didn't see it coming. 2. The gender reveal ultrasound was Friday. 3. I asked for encouragement that was meaningful to ME and got it.
When I heard the news of his job, having since made our savings plan and dreaming of moving ASAP, I felt like I got punched in the gut. Not in a fetus harming way, but in a ohshitwhatjusthappened way. He had been reassured there wouldn't be any more layoffs for a while. He was working as contractor for a big project which since launched. On Wednesday, I flew into a PANIC! CRISIS! mode and immediately identified how we could stay afloat without the additional income. I came in the door, and announced my heroic efforts and Pete was all, ok. We knew this day would come, it's no big deal, I have a few options in front of me, and we'll be fine.
And it struck me how completely, utterly different we are. And at first I was really mad; why was he not upset? But then I realized we just handle things differently.
Which brings me to item 2 up there. From Day 1, Pete didn't want to find out the gender. I did, but really wanted to be a team player and thought maybe it would be fun to not find out. But as the day grew closer, I noticed myself acting more and more uh, nuts? And trying desperately to avoid the truth that I REALLY WANTED TO KNOW. Naturally, because I'm me, I did a number on myself and wondered if I was a good wife, not being able to squelch my curiosity and get on board with him. But Thursday night I just broke down and told him I realized we were so different and that I desperately wanted to know. Desperately. That I was that kid in the marshmallow experiment that ate it right out of the bag and he was clearly the kid who would wait for days/weeks/months/years. We're just different. Also, it was a year on Friday that I had my first surgery, so the date was super meaningful anyway. He said of course he didn't want to upset me, he just preferred to wait, but he could see how important it was to me. So we decided to find out. Want to know? You have to leave a comment here. :D
Item 3: I saw this great pin on Pinterest that had me realize I'm a true extrovert. So I posted a note on Facebook today asking for encouragement as I aim to clean up my diet this week and get in those hill walks I've been slacking on. Some people would consider it obnoxious to ask for public encouragement. I am not some people. I'm me, and this is me asking for what I need. And people rallied and waved pom-poms and that felt really, really great.
This is who I am. This week felt like I nudged closer to embracing that. Go me!