I was hesitant to go meet with a midwife yesterday, but when the nurses told me that's who was available, and knowing that any option would get me another reassuring ultrasound, I took it. I figured she'd be into henna and wheatgrass and encourage me to do prenatal yoga. Of course I was wrong. She was actually super awesome. Totally supportive, totally great. She entered the room and said, how are you? I said, honestly, I'm terrified of miscarrying so if we could just do the ultrasound first that'd be great. (Fist bump for 1. asking for what I want and 2. being totally authentic). And then we saw little person. Pete wasn't there, so baby, midwife and I had a moment. It was so incredibly awesome. We just stood there and marveled at the kicking and incredibleness of it. The size of a prune. And there he or she was, wiggling away.
We went through my uplifting (hardy har) history of depression, anxiety and general terribleness when it came to mood and health for my first pregnancy. We talked about all the steps I've taken since to get healthy. The vitamin B12, magnesium, fish oil and required daily exercise. She asked about the gluten, and I was proud to tell her that before I went off it, I was on (during flare ups) four steroids. Since eliminating it and dairy, I'm on ZERO asthma/allergy medication (aside from the occasional homeopathic allergy stuff) and rarely have to take my rescue inhaler. I said, "I'm pretty proactive about my health." Which wasn't always the case, as you know. I'm psyched at how far I've come. We talked about workouts (thumbs up), my weight gain goals (thumbs up) and the possibility of a VBAC. I told her that frankly I was just trying to get through each week and when the time comes to talk about a VBAC, we could. But until then, let's just be so excited to see arms and legs on the monitor.
The standard pregnancy question of course, is how are you feeling? I'm feeling OK. Pregnant. My shape is changing, my waist is getting thicker and my belly is starting to stick out already. Today I'm wearing pants that were falling off of me 6 weeks ago. This time when I'm seeing the changes, I don't panic or feel out of control. Little baby is thriving, I'm taking fantastic care of myself, and the rest is going to sort itself out.