More Information Can Be a Bad Thing

Avert your eyes past this post if you don't want to hear about Babymaking plans.

Still with me? Good.

I had a long talk with my good friend today; my TTC (trying to conceive) friend, as we named each other. From last February (that is, 2011) on, we'd email and text every few days to see how the whole trying to conceive thing was working. You know, that whole living-your-life in two-week increments situation, which is just awful. And the point of me writing this. We supported each other through the chemical pregnancies and miscarriages (both of us). She had her baby in April -- which is so awesome.

ANYWAY. I was thinking about the whole babymaking thing and how nuts it makes me and wondering if I should call my awesome doc to have him calm me down, or go see the new Kaiser RE to have her say well dude, everything looks great, your uterus is shiny and new, go get 'em.

So I called her, to hash the whole thing out. She knows the fine line between wanting something really badly and well, losing your mind over it. The more I talked with her, the more I realized I don't want to use the Ovulator 3000. I'm already tense just thinking about it: what day is today? How many more days until we start? There's something about it that's just making me crazy; it's hard because I want to know if my levels are going up and I originally thought it would be great tool, but it's just not. It's not helpful. It's making things WAY worse. I struggled today with feeling like I'm not doing everything in my power to make a baby, and conventional wisdom says using that machine is foolproof. Maybe it is for some women. But for me, I know the key to making a baby for me is relaxing and well, not thinking about it. She reminded me.

I texted Pete and had him put it away. I'm regular as hell; I've gotten pregnant without trying three out of the four times. Instead, we're just going to have lots of time together, day 12-17, and hope for the best. I'll probably have a little bit of wine some nights to take the edge of the anxiety, but I'm hopeful that this is a better route for us. If it doesn't work this month, I am still within the 6-month window I gave myself (until Lucia's fourth birthday) before I freak out.

Comments

  1. I think it is a great plan-

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  2. Anonymous8:44 AM

    I agree-Great Plan!-karina

    ReplyDelete

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