The Good Reasons

I posted over on Team Hansen today about how we're trying to embrace where we are in Oakland and not necessarily negating the awesome parts of it, like my 13 minute commute by bus (also walkable if I felt like it) and in reality, I'm trying really hard to do the same thing about thinking about pregnancy and a baby. We've been going through this for almost 2 years, and a part of me is concerned that even on a small scale, I'm missing important milestones in Lucia's life by focusing too much on what we don't have -- a baby, and negating what we do have: a gorgeously healthy and hilarious little girl that brings us so much joy. It's true that we want another baby, but I've started shifting the focus away from that being the sole goal of the upcoming year, and instead thinking, well if it's just us, is that so bad? And the answer hasn't been that horrendous crushing feeling to my chest lately. It's been hmm. Interesting. Not what I expected, but there are some benefits. I'm not going to list them out here and be all JAZZ HANDS THIS IS SO GREAT but there are some benefits. 

(Don't get me wrong, we still want another member of Team Hansen. Will pursue surrogacy if its determined my womb is a no-go)

Case in point: Pete accidentally took my house keys with him to work today and won't be home until 7 or 8 tonight. So I can't go home after work, so no problem. I'll take Lucia out for dinner, just special time between the two of us. No milk or formula or exploding boobs to worry about. No diapers to change. Just me and her, having hilarious conversations and making memories. It's our hope that she won't be the only child forever, and these moments -- these day to day interactions -- really matter. She's growing up, and I don't want to miss it living some alternate fantasy life of how blissful it would be with another baby. We want that, but as I realized seeing two friends with newborns at that BBQ the other day, newborns are indeed a lot of work. So, just like living in Oakland has its plusses and minuses, having a newborn would be that too. We're not there yet. We are currently with an awesome little girl to make memories with and parent, every day. So that's what we're focusing on.