Nothing I Wanted, Everything I Needed
I've posted this a few times on Facebook, because it's so damn good and true and well, just hits home for me.
I thought of it Monday, when I had a case of the sads/anxiety over babymaking and went to the gym at my usual time to check out/reframe. And I walk into the weight room to start my warmup and who do I see? Our former couples therapist. The one who often "sided" with Pete. We did couples counseling in an effort to learn how to untangle some of our stuff; we had trouble figuring out what was our old stuff we brought to the relationship and conflicts vs. what were the real sources of conflict and compromise. Our first therapist was amazing, but unfortunately she left the place where we go and went on to do geriatric counseling. She was beyond amazing; the three of us cried at our last appointment. We were so thankful for the work we did with her, and I felt like our relationship benefitted from it. But this other guy, we just never gelled the same way and I often found him perpetuating a storyline and dynamic from Pete's perspective. And this is not to say that I wasn't in a place to hear I was wrong; I think I did learn some things from him. But I felt like more than not, he struggled to see things from my perspective.
So seeing him threw me off. I didn't say hi; I pretended I didn't see him (I'm not sure if he saw me). I saw him again today, though he was leaving when I was coming in; I said hi but was on the phone with Pete, so it was a hey how you doin, keep walking kind of thing.
I thought of this picture above over and over when it happened on Monday. I didn't ask for this; certainly there must be some reason for seeing him. What could this teach me?
Then today, the answer came. I've been struggling (as my previous post indicates) with saying yes to too many things, and really struggling to not take on tons of resentment when I do that. So today I reached out to Pete and said, I need to be honest with you, and I really don't want to do X, Y and Z. And people, despite him wanting to do those things, he said, "OK. I support you and don't want you to be unhappy. Let's not do those things."
Just like that.
And that, we learned THAT with that therapist. And for that, I can be thankful and glad. Was it what I wanted? To see him at a time when I was feeling fragile and desperately needing to reframe my circumstances? No. But it was what I needed.