It Starts About Now
I start getting anxious about Monday's appointment about now; 4-5 days before the actual procedure. All of the worst-case scenarios play out in my head, leaving me exhausted from talking myself down from the ledge all damn day. After day. After day. It'll peak Sunday and I'll have to go for a run/walk to get my head on straight. It consistently happens this way. I'm so uptight on the way down there (an hour each way) I'm beyond irritable. Once I take the pre-procedure medication I'm checked out and calmed, but the days leading up to it I really work myself into a foam. Post-procedure I typically sleep/am sleepy/out of it. After the 5th one (where I only took vicodin and ibuprofen, resulting in a very painful time) I decided that from here on out, I deserved to have a sugary treat after each procedure. But the last sugary treat I had (gluteny brownie with ice cream) left me feeling hungover and out of sorts for days.Funny how when you're gluten and lactose intolerant a brownie and ice cream will do that to you, isn't it? Besides, even if it's likely the last procedure, even if I technically "deserve it," it's not really working towards my goals of ending the self-soothing with food cycle. So I'm trying to figure out what would feel best on Monday night. I typically take my totally awesome nursing pillow with me and gigantic scarf to put over my eyes on the car ride home. That always feels nice. I'm hopeful that we will be celebrating the triumph of having these procedures be OVER.