Eleventy Sadfaces

I know I make a lot of self-deprecating jokes, but I am here to tell you that last November, my depression came roaring back. It was not something to joke about. It was just like it was last time; it totally snuck up on me, until one night while brushing my teeth I thought -- and it was just a brief flash of a thought -- wonder what it would be like to take a whole bunch of pain pills? I turned off the light in the bathroom and announced to Pete, Houston we have a problem. Big problem. He called my doctor the next day for me, and I was in to see her that day to get back on the Wellbutrin. I cried. I told her everything that was going on with the Busted Womb and how I'm so Type A I expect if I really work hard at something to get results, only this was heartbreakingly not the case, and well, sob sob sob sob sob. I told her I felt like a failure; felt like I was supposed to be this superhero, and to just KEEP GOING at all costs, and I surrender. So. Armed with my Wellbutrin, I started saying no, and giving up the whole notion (mostly self-imposed) of being a superhero. I stopped trying to be the perfect friend, sister, daughter, mom, wife, etc. and just be me, which is still pretty damn awesome, but also a messy human with boundaries and breaking points. It's been freeing, and that in turn has helped my anxiety a lot.

I'm thankful for Wellbutrin for that, and also for the it's effect on buffering the side effects of the estrogen. Once we get the green light on trying to conceive, I'll start tapering down, upping the Vitamin D and B12, and taking more of my Natural Calm, which is a magnesium/calcium supplement that is SO freaking awesome.

Comments

  1. Oh Heather, I can so relate. Whole different situation (the whole Murphy chronicles), but the same anxiety & feeling like a failure.

    You are pretty damn awesome.

    I am going to look into the Natural Calm supplement. I take a calcium/magnesium supplement most days when I remember to take a multi-vitamin, too. My OB/Gyn had told me to start taking it a couple of years ago when I turned 40.

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  2. Aw thanks Julie. The Natural Calm stuff is so amazing. Big fan. I just put it in my water; it's raspberry-lemon flavored so it's super tasty.

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  3. Melissa Roy5:46 PM

    Oh! I'm so happy to see you back writing here :-) You are awesome!!

    I will definitely look into the Natural Calm. I am not naturally calm so....

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  4. Thanks Melissa!! I've been taking just one spoonful per night (the directions say 2x a day but I've been lazy). I'm taking it 2x a day starting today. Will report back with the results. I love that stuff!

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