Foam Sufficiently Whipped
I do this thing, when I'm completely stressed out and at capacity. It's my subconscious and trust me, Kickass Therapist and I will be probing into the inner depths of it ASAP.
What is it? I get sick. Somehow it seems like the thought of saying, YOU KNOW I NEED A BREAK. OR A TIME OUT seems implausible and well, sometimes it's just not, so here's what happens: incoming cold. Feel like I can dodge it. Then Super Heather takes over and is all I TOTALLY GOT THIS. I CAN TOTALLY GET BY WITH NOT ENOUGH SLEEP and whipping myself up into a foam over both perceived and real problems that are mine and well, everyone else's and you know I take on people's bad juju. So then it just snowballs. I sabotage myself and create this impossible situation where it's all the stuff you know that goes on with me. Stress stress stress worry worry worry.
Then KA-BLAM. I'm down for the count. Every single time. I take a perfectly benign cold and it turns into a weeklong EVENT so I am forced to take care of myself and take time to CTRL+ALT+DEL and get enough sleep and say no and etc. etc. This time I watched it like a slow-motion car crash. Ok, what's going on, what are you needing to say but not saying, what's up, etc. etc. etc. WHAT IS UP YO. Followed by: GO TO BED. It didn't help. I tried to get more sleep, but Pete is working insane hours for this startup company so I've had to man the helm a lot. I got all nervous about my fitness program, which is both laughable but I guess it terrified me on some level. I don't know why, peeps. I made some interesting revelations last week in regards to my uh, lifelong eating issues and it just sent me over the edge. Despite the clarity; just wrapping my head around it and feeling like I'm at the end of the Da Vinci Code just did me in.
TIME OUT PLEASE.
So. Here I am. My voice is lost, which I'm positive is both literal and figurative, since this always happens when I am stressed out beyond belief and when what's really going on doesn't seem plausible or possible for me to admit. If I sound cryptic, my apologies. It's not like I have this shit figured out for myself; much less being able to convey it to youse.
I'm taking today to really PAUSE and just be OK with wherever I am. Terrified? Alrighty then. Stressed? OK THEN. My goal is to not try to smother it down, but let it breathe and observe it. And sleep a lot. And blow my nose and cough a lot. The end.