Do Something That Scares You: Wobbling All on Your Own
Cliff Notes version: I hired a trainer. I broke up the the trainer. I joined Weight Watchers. I am not renewing my subscription.
Figuring out that you can probably do stuff on your own and don't necessarily need someone to tell you what to do or work within the confines of a program is kinda liberating.
The trainer was great. At first. I learned so much about myself, particularly that I was sacrificing form over how big the weight was or how many reps I could do. Once we slowed down, I found I was burning a lot more calories and welp, feeling it. We worked out 3x a week together but I also came in 1-2x a week to run sprints. I'm smaller and tighter and toned all over, for working out with him for 6 weeks. He charged me an insanely low fee for his time, and I am beyond thankful for the instruction.
Having someone be a part of my precious workout time, the time where I put on my headphones and feel like a general badass, was um, aggravating. I thought it was OK at first, and really questioned whether my anxiety (dread in my stomach) was self-sabotaging, or what. I let it slide, and continued working out with him. Then I noticed I was more and more irritable with him. And critiquing him (thinking unkind things like, we're on number 8, not 9 you idiot!). It gradually disintegrated to the point where I was losing sleep over dreading our workouts. I told him I wanted to take some time off, but I'm positive I won't be hiring him again. I love love love following a program, and my new one is New Rules of Lifting for Abs. Through my work with the trainer, we identified that my core is very very weak. So. I'm now following that program, have my Jay-Z and Kanye to back me up, and I'm taking things slow.
I'm pretty nervous, and I've had to tell myself about a million times that I can do it on my own. I can! I just have to use what I learned and slow down. I can do this!
Now, onto WW. Yes, it works when I follow it, but I swear, it's mostly because I take out the bread and control the sugar/wine. Throughout my Weight Watchers membership this go 'round, I've paid close attention to what I was eating, when I was losing/gaining and when I was feeling crappy. I've been weighing every day and am happy to report I've lost 5 lbs. in 3 months. Which? Kill me now. I know I can do better on my own.
When I read Bethenny Frankel's Naturally Thin book, one of the best themes of it is, you don't need someone telling you what to eat or what not to eat. Eat what makes you feel good. Don't eat what makes you feel bad. The end.
The challenge, and from what I learned on WW, is that I have to control the treats. I can't have chocolate and wine every day and expect to lose weight. I can't have mayo based salad dressing everyday AND vegetables tossed in olive oil. I can have one or the other.
I'm still avoiding gluten and dairy, but have found lately that my all-or-nothing mentality sets me up for the inevitable ice cream or brunost and rye cracker bonanza, where I think to myself, I can't have this any other time! Best enjoy the party now!
WW is just feeling confining. I want to branch out on my own and experiment with doing it from a more intuitive place. I know the things I need to cut back on; I know my pitfalls and triggers.
I'm also pretty nervous about this too, but I'm going to keep weighing every day, and I'm going to figure out a tracking system that works better for me than tediously recording that yes, I had three eggs again for breakfast. No, they are not making me fat.
So here I go. Wobbling along like I'm learning how to ride a bike. Let's hope I don't crash!