Do Something That Scares You: Tackling Your Issues Edition
Hoo boy. This post is a long time comin.
It's no surprise that my issues -- my anxieties, my fears, my hangups, all manifest themselves into what's on my plate. Rather, what isn't on my plate because I've inhaled it attempting to stuff my feelings.
I've decided enough is enough. It's time to look all of it hard in the face. I started Weight Watchers about 6 weeks ago. I am working with a trainer 4-5x a week to push hard at the gym. I'm seeing a therapist to work on the root of all this stuff.
I am literally spending more money and time than I ever have or ever imagined on tackling these issues once and for all. It is time. I know I'm not going to solve them, but I hope for some discovery, resolution, and peace around the whole thing.
Absolutely gut wrenchingly terrifying. I feel like I'm on the Disney Haunted House ride with ghosts suddenly popping up and seeing vaguely familiar themes over and over again. My self-sabotage streak is almost as strong as my determination. Almost. So I constantly have to question that voice and say, really??? Because as you've likely gleaned from all these (recent) posts, my "reality" is not accurate. My alter ego cannot be trusted. It's full of doubt and self-loathing and 1,000 excuses why it won't work. It is not grounded. But my heart and gut are. And so I'm leading with them. And through tackling these smaller issues, as trivial as they might seem on the surface, I'm able to have the collective courage to keep moving forward. I'm able to point to a track record and say, see? This is where you thought reality was and in fact it was more wayyyy over here.