How My Day Went

Here's how things went today:

7:15 up with kiddo. WHEEEEEE I get to have real coffee!!!!!! WHEEEE!!! I'll make some then video skype with my mom! She will see I am totally fine!!!

9 a.m. Flying high on 4 cups of high strength coffee, wake up Pete. HI I AM FEELING SO MUCH BETTER TODAY CAN YOU TELL? LET'S CLEAN!!  LET'S GET EVERYTHING ORGANIZED AND THEN EVERYTHING WILL FEEL BETTER!!!!

11 a.m. Farmer's Market. See adorable baby in impossibly adorable sling with impossibly adorable stuck up everywhere hair and goofy look on face. Start bawling. Collect myself to buy produce. Very pregnant lady crosses in front of our car. Cry again.

1 p.m. Cry some more.

3 p.m. And more. Sleep for two hours.

6 p.m. Make dinner, which actually kicked ass: roasted yams, sliced heirloom tomatoes, fresh green beans with sea salt and olive oil, and (leftover) grilled pork tenderloin with balsamic cherry reduction.

6:30 p.m. Tell Pete I really wish I could go to the gym because I am feeling angry. Why did this happen? I'm a good girl. Was it maybe too much exercise? Was it that I didn't give up coffee completely? He talks me down and reminds me that I had nothing to do with this, and he knows that's hard for me to accept, because I want a reason why. But sometimes there isn't an answer. It just is.

8 p.m. 2 brownies and half a glass of wine. Cramping, so contemplate vicodin vs. more wine.

9 p.m. Google miscarriage for the 100th time. Read. Nope. Still don't feel better.

9:30 p.m. Write this and realize I'm doing the best I can. Which is all over the map.

Comments

  1. Just here.
    Sending my love.

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  2. I remember after my miscarriage that it wasn't a matter of taking it day by day but sometimes minute by minute and when I had good times or good minutes I tried to embrace them and just get through the bad times. Hardest part was the cute babies and happily pregnant women. I am really sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ya know? All you can do is just let yourself feel what you feel. No use in fighting it.
    You're doing a good job.

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  4. Thanks ladies. Jen, I completely agree. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and I'm just taking it one minute at a time. Thanks for your support and sharing your experience.

    ReplyDelete

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