I want to do undo my dog being put down. I want to go back and reinject her with the life and vigor and crazy, charming spazziness that made her so HER.
My heart hurts thinking about her being sick; that's what I mourn. Her health declining. We miss her around the house of course; we go looking for her throughout the day, then remember she's gone. The last few months were rough from a basic logistics perspective; poop, vomit or pee piles to pick up every day. Taking her out 6x a day, praying that she eats and discovering her food bowls still full. The whole thing was really hard. There's a certain sense of relief there, that that part is over. That we can stop worrying about her and wringing our hands but simultaneously being grossed out and concerned about Little Miss being so close to the messes.
I came in the door from the gym last night and was so excited to see her. Then I remembered. I know it'll pass. I know it'll get easier every day. But man, I miss my dog.