Feeling Defeated

Pete and I have been experimenting with who gets up when. In the past 4-5 weeks, we established a rhythm that was working pretty well: I pump at 11 or 12 (p.m.), then he gets up at 2-3 with her and I get up at 5-6, and Pete sleeps until 11 or 12 a.m. Why we changed this, I don't know. We tried alternating feedings but with the pumping schedule, it just doesn't work. So I'm meh and feeling defeated and discouraged about oh, everything.

Picked up a copy of this book today. The calorie requirements say I should be eating around 1,800 a day. I don't know how many I'm eating on WW, but the past three days I have been STARVING. Despite eating extra protein. Despite drinking tons of water. STARVING. I'm wondering if it's lack of sleep or the increased Fenugreek (i.e. increased milk production). I've gone over my Weekly Allowance Points, unfortunately. Enter discouraged feeling.

Tired of pumping breastmilk. Talked to an overbearing Type A mom in the same situ as me, and when I could get a word in, it was moderately helpful. She has an eight-month old son and is still pumping round the clock. It gave me hope that I can make it. Anyway, I was tired today and didn't get in enough sessions. I literally slept this afternoon on the couch for three hours (Lucia slept too in her swing!). I went to the breastfeeding group today and heard all about how I should really try Lucia on the breast again, and it just depressed me. The LC wants me to feed her EVERY time without my shirt on, and with Little Miss in her diaper. Then feed her 1 oz, but when I feed her try to take out the bottle frequently so she's used to not getting the milk really fast, THEN try the breast with the nipple shield on. Wonder why I'm discouraged???

Am extremely sore for some reason -- like post-workout sore. I'm going to get a massage tomorrow. Although of course, I scheduled it for the same time as the pumping workshop I'm supposed to go to -- which I have no interest in attending. I feel like I've got the hang of this. I think I might benefit from the massage more.

I really want to get a tree, but I am really trying to summon the energy. We'll be out of town from Dec. 19-Jan. 2, so I'm not sure we'd really enjoy it. But still. I want a tree.

I'm sincerely hoping for more sleep in the next few days. Ms. Mary arrives Thursday, so it's party time.


  1. I'm so sorry you are feeling down. It's a lot to deal with.

    I have no words of wisdom. But I'm thinking about you. (and wishing I was there. I would totally help you with a tree.)

  2. I know you are not asking for advice but I just want to say that I'm not sure about the WW point system. I'm worried it really might not be enough calories. And pumping protein doesn't necessarily make up for that. That's kind of the whole point I'm thinking. Unfortunately you do need calories in to keep milk up... and not go into starvation mode.
    Is there a way to add up what you ate just to double check? I mean what if it's only like 1200?
    Dude you know I don't care how low you go for you... but I also don't want you to sabotage your weight loss by going too low.

  3. Thanks ladies. :(

    Mrs F I counted my calories for yesterday and they were 1900. And that's after going over my daily total, but I bet it was up to 2200 some days this week.

    I think I'm going to go back to calorie counting and work really hard to get in fruits and vegetables. I'm not eating much of those and I feel crappy.

  4. Oh Heather, it must be so discouraging all the hassle that you have to go through just to feed your baby. Really. When you are as tired as new parents are, you just want to feed your baby, not have to think about taking off your shirt and undressing baby and all that stuff. I am so sorry. I know you must be so physically and emotionally exhausted these days.

    The massage is great idea.

    Your hormones are probably still out of whack as far as the whole calorie thing for your body. If you are hungry, eat. You have enough going on with the lack of sleep. The lack of good sleep really fucks with you (by you, I mean all of us...not just you:) )

    Hey, you could get a little teeny tree. But then again, you are going to gone for so much of the holiday time, that it seems not worth it. But you should do what may give you even a little bit of normalcy and pleasure.

    Take care. I am thinking of you.

    It stinks that we all live so far away from one another. I would totally come help out. God, it would be so fun to hang out with you, Robin and Mrs F. Can you imagine? Pretty hilarious.

  5. Giant hug Julie! You're the best. I'm tired of trying the nursing -- and most of all, I'm tired of getting my hopes up that so-and-so might work. It's just too draining.

    And thanks for the advice on the hormones. I agree -- especially on the sleep front. The book I bought talks a lot about ghrelin, which gets all whackedy from lack of sleep. Whackedy = technical term. ;)

    I think we should indeed convene some type of meeting! We'll invite KatieO and POM too!

  6. I'd love to meet up with POM and Katieo, too!! Bunch of fun people!

  7. Heather,
    interesting. Well I'm happy to hear it wasn't like you were going way under... since there is more wiggle room if you were going over. While that won't help you much with the feeling starving.


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