I'm not sure what coming off heroin feels like, but I have to wonder if it's like coming off sugar. I haven't had any sugar since, I dunno, Tuesday? Well minus one very small bowl of slow-churned vanilla bean ice cream Wednesday night. Every single night AND early afternoon I have to talk myself out of a cookie or ice cream or chocolate -- AT LENGTH. It goes a little something like this:
Inner sugar junkie: I think a cookie sounds like a good idea.
Sane me: no.
ISJ: Ok well let's count your calories to see how you did today. See? 1600-1800? You've got room for a cookie! (Afternoon variation: You can go for a walk and burn it off!)
Sane me: NO. NO NO NO. Cause I'll only want MORE sugar if I give in.
Repeat seriously like 75 times. We're having a BBQ today and I told Pete to get grocery store cupcakes in vanilla with sprinkles, because those absolutely do not tempt me whatsoever. I said no chocolate cupcakes -- I could very well scrape the icing off and eat the cupcake alone (not a fan of icing). He brought home two dozen cupcakes -- 1 dozen vanilla, 1 dozen chocolate (mixed in each container). I guess they didn't have just vanilla. Dammit. But I'm really trying to be strong.
It helps that the nurse from Kaiser called yesterday to tell me I failed my gestational diabetes test. I feel like I've screwed up Little Girl already, and cried yesterday about it. :( I have to go for the 3-hour test Monday. I was supposed to go to day but with my brother here and everything else going on (new bed arriving today -- we compromised!), BBQ, etc. it just felt like too much.
So I'm off the sugar! But man is it hard.