Jamaica, A Review

Ok here goes people.

All inclusive resort: Grade: C- Because we weren't total booze hounds (and aren't even when I'm not pregnant), I'm not sure this was worth the money.

Food: D- Seriously. Yet I managed to still eat french toast and piles of bacon every morning. But seriously, the food was abysmal, with the exception of the five course meal I ate with my family Friday night at their resort.

Destinationweddings.com = FFFFFFF. Judy Hack, I sincerely hope you have googled yourself and found this. You suck. You told us the resort we picked would be great for a honeymoon. Instead it was Sesame Street LIVE all week. I am not kidding. The resort was so small there was no where to escape from the incessant shows, broadcasts of the Letter of the Day, or Elmo's Dance Hour. I am not kidding. There were kids freaking everywhere; I am not kidding when I say that we were outnumbered, kids to adults. For a couple who was supposed to be on their honeymoon and is still getting used to the idea of me being pregnant, this was a total freaking nightmare. Also, thanks for not calling us back Judy. Our family friend Keith called you no less than 6 times, each time leaving his phone number (his phone was the only one that worked over in Jamaica), and instead of calling him back, you CALLED THE BRIDE, which to me was unconscionable. Thanks for never calling us back. Thanks for basically doing nothing to change the situation. You are the worst travel planner and I plan on making the rounds at Trip Advisor, etc. today to report what a shitty experience we had with you.

Stepbrother's Wedding = B+. My cousin Robert and his wife Ginger are the most fun people, and hanging with them is always a hoot. But my dress was too big in the shoulders and I felt like a whale, and the food was crappy, so eh. But hanging with family = wonderful.

Family time = A. I love my family. They're always fun to hang out with. We spent a good amount of time bitching about our crappy resort, so that's why it's not an A+.

Jamaica = B- It's pretty, but I think parts of Florida and California are prettier. I got really tired of being offered marijuana, and asked for tips constantly.

Total grade for the trip = C

It's always good to get away and don't get me wrong, the beach was beautiful. But overall it was a pretty disappointing trip. Oh well. I'm not able to do a grass-greener perspective just yet, but I hope to soon.


  1. I'm sorry your trip sucked the big one.

    I stayed at Sandal's Ochos Rios in Jamaica years ago and it was a good experience. I didn't much care for going outside the resort, except for a bike tour through the Blue Mountains...that was incredible.

    When you spend money on trips like that, you have certain expectations. Sounds like that lady owes you guys some kind of future discount!

  2. Man, that SUCKS! I would shoot myself if I went to Jamaica and had to deal with Sesame Street. I would be on vacation from Sesame Street, not to it. I am pissed off at that lady for you.

    Glad you had fun with your family.

  3. Awwww...you poor thing! I've never been to jamaica, but now that I've read this, it's officially at the bottom of my travel list!

  4. Oh my dear crazy Heather. I've missed you so. I just read you past 2 blogs. And it's OK that you've gained a bit you crazy bat. Seriously. I know being "normal" is usually not good, but in this case - it is.

    And the trip... we'll that just blows. I've had some experiences like that on trips. I love that you called the beast of a travel planner out. Then again, Im a travel planner, but I'm very anti- Elmo goes on vacation. There's a lot of that here, but The Cap and I have tried to avoid. BUT We have had some BAD dinners. Like so bad that we get back to the room and have to wait in line to destroy the toilet and can hear all the "doo-ties" of the person. Oh, so much for romance :) ha ha.

  5. Thanks everyone! I disputed half of the cost of the trip with Visa, and let's hope it goes through. I also wrote her a long letter expressing our dissatisfaction -- shocking that she didn't respond, isn't it?

    Thanks POM! This crazy bat missed ya!!


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