Feeling a Wee Sheepish About This Whole Thing

This may shock you, so I hope you're sitting down.

You see, I suffer from recurring bouts of -- are you ready? -- self-doubt.

Tonight I tried on the bikini, and had Peter take pictures. That man really loves me for who I am right now, all nearly one-third fat and everything. He was all kissy after taking my picture and I'm all GET OFF I AM A WHALE. I seriously think of myself as a TOTAL whale. Last week I was positive the foot holds on the rock climbing wall (the practice wall) were NOT going to hold my weight. No way could they! Then I realized that others who outweigh me by oh, say 80 lbs. were holding up just fine.

Tonight I also nursed my very sore foot, which caused my entire left leg to have a toothachey thing while I was pedaling away on the bike tonight (30 minutes of intervals, thankyouverymuch). Owwwww. So here's where I am:

God I look hideous in that bikini. It's almost laughable. The thing really doesn't fit. I've got a long way to go.

The only counter thought I have to this is, ok? So? It's a starting picture. Don't look at it. Don't obsess over it. Get in your workouts every day and before you know it, that bikini will fit.

Wow my foot really hurts. If cardio is key, and I'm starting to believe it is, how the hell am I going to do cardio 4-6 times a week with a bum foot?

I have no answer for this one either, other than take it one day at a time. Keep wearing the running shoes with the business casual attire. It looks stunning anyway.

Maybe I shouldn't have joined the gym. Maybe the work gym is just fine.

So I made a list of pros and cons for joining the gym. Here it is:

Can work out with Peter
Much more variety of equipment
More locations
New setting to motivate me
Open longer hours
Away from the office

Money could be going to savings
have to drive there, requiring more time
lots of people there

As you can see, the Pros are winning. I think I need a nudge outside of my comfort zone. Yet I find it hard to step SO FAR OUT of the comfort zone. Why is it such a big step, you may wonder, for me to simply go to a new gym? Because as I have posted numerous times, I am just like my little dog. A little crazy about routines. And finding comfort in the predictable, and lots of discomfort with the unpredictable. To compensate, I make myself baby steps. They're less intimidating. Instead of going beserk at the gym today, I did my 30 minutes of cardio, stretched, and went home. I'm working up to the massive core workout I'll be doing on my cardio-only days. Baby steps people. Take it one day, one meal, one workout at a time. It's the only way for me not to curl up in the corner and sob.


  1. ok I have so a LOT of thoughts on this post... but a sleeping baby on me so I'll be back.
    except I do want to say that in July I had a body fat reading of 31%... and am now 23%... in 3 months.. so don't fret too much you can do it.

  2. Hey, your man likes it. Who are you to argue. Keep working out until whatever holiday or bikini day arrives and guaranteed you'll see results. Take it easy on ouchy foot though. Maybe try some tylenol or whatever.

  3. HOLY CRAP MrsF! Seriously? Ok, I'm excited now. Foot willing, I'm going for it!

  4. Hey Randi!

    I'm taking 600 mg of ibuprofen 3x a day, and stretching my calves every time I get up from my chair -- which is often due to my insane water/coffee requirements. I wore low heels Monday -- mistake! -- cause it was feeling better. So I'll be wearing my running shoes with my business attire until it's better. Sigh.

  5. I'm completely freaking serious about the body fat... it might actually be lower than that now. So yeah cardio can do that for you...now maybe not for you until you let your foot heal.

    Now on to some other stuff... good for you taking a "before" picture! I have found mine to be totally rewarding and validating and inspirational. So keep taking them!

    Gym vs no gym... this is not what you want to hear but I'm siding with the office gym.
    Here is why... a) I too don't really like to change and kind of like routines so of course I'm biased that way... b) I don't think working out w/your husband is a pro. Let's face facts you need to workout for you, you will probably need to find a way to fit working out into your life FOREVER and I think that doing that with a spouse is unlikely. #1 about 4 times a year (or more in my experience) you will want to get divorced... so you will not want to spend your "down" time working out with your husband on those days #2 you want to have kids... there will be no way that you will still be working out with your spouse then since you'll have to trade off childcare and whatnot. So I don't think it is good to establish a working out relationship... when it doesn't work to workout together might that not set you up to go on "hiatus"?... and we all know a 2 day hiatus can turn into 2 years (especially w/kids around!) I think ...in all my infinte wisdom ;)... that it is best to establish now a doable routine for you that incorporates your working out as a personal (or social w/friends) time that way you will have fewer obstacles and an easier time taking this time for yourself once you do have kids. Does that make any sense at all?
    Basically it was(and is) really hard for me to take this time for myself away from my family without feeling guilty.. if I had had it well established as part of my "self care" before starting a family it would have been a lot easier to just continue doing it rather than try to start it.

    this wasn't offensive right?

  6. Okay forget I said anything... it is possible I am projecting (alright not just possible) and that you will love having your husband as a gym buddy!

    don't hate me....

  7. No hatin here. All good points. Especially the part about when we have kiddos. However, I'm trying to get him in the gym, cause he's out of shape and a wee depressed. I'm already in love with the gym, and we've established that I'm not allowed to come home from work without going to the gym first, cause I unload all the work tensions and frustrations on him. It makes a HUGE (I mean divorce vs. bliss) difference when I'm working out regularly. I haven't taken a week off of even a few days off since he moved in in January. I really love the alone time -- excellent point. But if I got him to come even once or twice a week, it would be good for him. The plan would be we would meet there. Say hi. He does his thing. I do mine. Go home in separate vehicles, I guess? It's theoretical at this point; he's out this week with a neck injury. The gym is very icky, yes. And I looked at some routines today using body weight only (if I choose the work gym and continue to be bored with it).

    Now I'm rethinking the whole thing. The non-work gym is $38 a month. The work gym has four different cardio machines to choose from. Full dumbells. A smith machine. Some other weight machines (leg press, quad machine). Most of the time it's only me though in there. So it's nice to have the *really* quiet time. Hmmmm. I shall think about this more.

  8. okay good :)

    Yes... I too have tried to get my husband to exercise. I hear you on that one. So far I have not really been able to get him to stick to anything consistently. I kind of thought my losing weight would have been a motivator... but no.

    Neck injury? Foot injury? It is not sounding good over there!


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