Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Givers and Takers

Something pretty profound shifted in me when Espen got so sick in February. The trauma of the events that unfolded in the PICU shook me to my core. I have never associated with combat veterans, but after we were discharged, I got a glimpse into that world of trauma and the feeling to go back because it was comfortable. I can't remember why, but at one point after he was discharged, I was near the hospital and felt the need to walk in and seek some of the docs and nurses that had treated him, perhaps in the hallways. It was bizarre. 

During the more acute times, I found myself categorizing people as givers or takers, and basically refusing to serve takers. What I mean by that is there are people in my life, who take more than they give. All relationships are give and take, but these particular set more often take. In the past I was willing to play the role of the "good friend," being there for them to the nth degree. When he got sick and I was in crisis mode, I stopped responding to them. And even now, when Espen is healthy and I'm feeling 90% normal, I've continue to stop responding to them. I've noticed the dynamics of our relationship and just decided to opt out. To let them figure it out or seek someone else to rescue them. 

It's been liberating. I feel like the bandwidth previously eaten up by solving everyone else's crises is now spent on giving back to the friends that give more than they take, and for managing my own health. Good stuff, you guys. 

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Still Over On FB

I'm still posting super thrilling updates over on my FB page, where I was delighted (insert sarcasm) to recently learn a frenemy is an avid reader. HEY THERE!!!!

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Week 2 Update

I'll keep this short, but Week 2 was pretty great in the workouts. It was my first week of getting up at 5 and into the gym by 6-6:15 without caffeine, and I'm thrilled to say it wasn't hard for most of the week. I upped my weights all week, which I'm super proud of. Badassery.

Diet and eating however, didn't go as great. I slipped a bit in the sugar department and ate past the point of satisfaction, trending more towards full too many times. Stopping when I'm 80% full continues to be so so difficult, and truly where I need to do my most work. I was joking with a friend that they say abs are made in the kitchen, for me abs are made right there in that 20%.

As I result, my weight ticked up a bit this week. Moving on, let's go get Week 3.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Week 1 Update

Week 1 of the Jamie Eason Live Fit Trainer was pretty awesome. Bodyspace has an app so you just open it and follow the workout along that way, and log in how much you lifted as you go. As a complete nerd who used to relish in creating workout spreadsheets and filling them out, this has been a change, but it's really awesome! I got a summary yesterday that told me how much I lifted and not surprisingly, my strongest muscles are my biceps (thanks Espen). This program feels really, really doable. I'm super excited. I got some BCAAs to drink post-workout and am incorporating those to help with soreness. I was able to go pretty hard today, despite dodging a virus from the kids. 

For WW, man I knocked it out of the park. I focused on detoxing from vacation, so it wasn't hard to stay on track or anything. I also implemented a rule of closing the kitchen after dinner, so no snacks after dinner at all. No nibbles while I make the kids' lunches. Nada. The result:

Goals for this week: 
Continue closed kitchen after dinner rule.
 Train hard, don't go over my WW points unless it's food that's really worth it or contributes to my health (guacamole, I'm lookin at you). 

Oh and one thing I didn't mention: I quit coffee. I KNOW. I was drinking somewhere around 5-6 cups a day and realized that in order to reduce my anxiety in a holistic sense, it would probably help if I didn't feel like I was on speed for the majority of the day. Also, I'm trying to get to a place where I listen to my body more, so I felt like caffeine was masking exhaustion and other stuff. So far it's been really easy to go cold turkey, and I feel so much calmer and sane. Thumbs up to that. 

Saturday, April 11, 2015

One Two Oh

You guys. I am starting anew for realsies on Monday. Jamie Eason's 12-week Live Fit Trainer and WW. My goal is to get to 120. I felt like the weekly check ins really helped my accountability when I was losing the baby weight, so I'm starting those again. I weigh in on Saturdays so I'll post then and maybe periodically otherwise. 

I'm going to follow the Training program to the T, and use the eating programs as a guide. I'm going to aim for using my points on things like guacamole instead of sugary stuff. I think I'm going to cut out sugar this week as vacation detox. I had a glazed donut this morning. A GLAZED DONUT. To be clear, it was delish. But come on. 

My downfall continues to be emotional eating. But it's always the same foods, so I'm going to aim to not keep those in the house. 

I'll post a pic of me in my bikini tomorrow (!) and my weight and measurements. Here we go!! 

Monday, October 13, 2014

Need A Plan, Need Accountability

I stopped doing WW a month ago, and have no idea what I weigh, but I will tell you a wicked stomach virus certainly likely helped nudge things down. The fact is I don't have batteries for the scale.

Anyway. My workouts have been going great, just like recommended in the book. Switching to mornings has been fantastic; I'm out the door by 6:10 at the latest, and back by 7. I lay out my clothes on the dining room table the night before, and get dressed first so it's harder to change my mind. Then I chug iced coffee and get out the door. I'm making it there 5x a week now; such a huge improvement.
  • Switch to eggs, yams for breakfast (instead of banana oatmeal)
  • Eliminate rice and popcorn
  • Leave desserts/indulgences for one day a week
  • Cut back on fruit 
Basically, go back to eating on the lower carb end of things. I just feel better that way. I don't want to put a lot of crazy rules around it (ie Whole30) but I'm going to incrementally tackle the above. I gotta have a plan and accountability. Week 1 is eliminating oatmeal. Then I'll take out popcorn, which has been my go-to snack since having Espen has turned me into a salt-craving fiend. I'll figure out a way to work around that one, but not yet. Will check back in next week to report!

But I'm ready to start tackling the food again. Here I'm going to list out the things I KNOW I can do better with/cut out/make better choices:

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Here I Am

It's been a brutally tough week, where I have contemplated running away to escape the simultaneous and unrelenting pressures at home and work. Mama couldn't catch a break this week. Sigh.

However, I did recently read Lose It Right, by James Fell, who writes a great blog called BodyForWife.com. His approach is all about moderation and drumroll please, getting in great shape and getting super consistent with workouts, and starting with baby steps on the diet, in three phases. He calls it the Virtuous Cycle, and I have totally experienced that in the past. I work out consistently, and just feel better and more able to say no to treats, because I'm feeling less stressed. He talks a lot in the book about that, about what physically happens to the brain when you work out, so you're less tempted to stress eat. It makes so much sense.

Upon finishing the book, I cancelled weight watchers and stopped weighing and counting anything. I can't tell you how much of a relief this is.

Phase 1 exercise is all about finding what you love and just doing that. I love, love going for long walks and lifting weights. So I ordered new walking shoes, which arrive tomorrow, but in the meanwhile have been going for walks just to clear my head, and getting in strength training when I can. I also ordered a monthly calendar and am going to give myself a star for every workout. So motivating, seeing that whole week filled with stars.

I took a picture of the diet part of Phase 1, here:

Naturally, because I am me, I read the book and started last week all gung ho and made changes that ended up being too drastic. This week, I'm going to make smaller changes to see how that feels. He talks about reducing fast food, which isn't a place where I know I can cut back. Where I know I can cut back is chips. Since having Espen, my hormones have changed and now I just want chips all the livelong day. Any kind will do, but I generally cave and have them at least a few times a week. For this week my plan is to swap out chips for popcorn, which is salty and crunchy too.

I'm going to try to remember to take my measurements tomorrow morning so I can start trending down in that regard too.

I hate feeling like I'm not on a plan, but honest to god, this past week nearly broke me. Onward.