I had lunch and sat across from someone who I'm close to recently, and watched them with great interest. They ate about 40% of their meal, and just stopped. I asked, what's wrong? You don't like your lunch? They said, no I'm just full. I thought to myself, WHAT? This is all vegetables and grilled chicken?
I took a minute, then asked them carefully, then why are you overweight? (this person has come to me for advice on weight many many many times so I felt like I could ask). They said, because I choose the wrong foods. They then went on to list their typical food choice, which was indeed straight-up crap food.
That exchange has had me thinking for days about my portions, and realizing it is THE reason why the 80% rule in Lean Eating and eating slowly were the hardest habits for me, and still are.
It's so strange to me how different people are; I am a volume eater through and through. I eat a pretty squeaky clean diet, but I just eat too much. Likely because of my anxiety, likely because I'm still working on being able to verbalize and externalize my stuff. All things I'm working to address, I just find it fascinating. I'm sitting here, having finished my lunch two hours ago, which I stopped when I was satisfied, not full, and there's this weird hankering going on. Not hungry, just a hankering. I remember when I started eating to 80% with LE it felt super weird at first, and then it just became natural. I'm looking forward to that time when it doesn't feel like there's this gap that needs to be filled.
That, it seems, is my biggest challenge. Not stuffing that little space full of goodies or just a few more bites of my seemingly virtuous choices of chicken and vegetables.* Because even the best choices, if I'm stuffing down my feelings or using them to cope with my anxiety, are not in fact good choices for my health in a holistic sense.
Speaking of, there's been a HYOOOGE shift in my mood and general outlook on life thanks to my new job. I didn't realize what a drag the previous gig was, but now that I've moved on and am empowered and regularly high-fived for my awesomeness, it has been pretty apparent what a change this has meant for my life. A big source of anxiety for me previously was the billability of my last job (I had to bill 32 of my 40 hours a week to project work, which for someone who thrives and is at her best in expediting work quickly and efficiently, seemed an inherent disincentive). At my new gig I'm still able to make my own hours and have the flexibility of working whenever, but I'm fully in charge of communications for my company. It's just me doing it and sky's the limit. It is EXHILARATING. I seriously want to shout from the rooftops I'M FREE AND I'M BACK AND ZOMG THIS IS SO AWESOME.
So yeah, less anxiety overall. But still some free-floating and you know me, I'm always looking for improvement. :)
*Don't get me wrong, I know I'm rockin the WW and am proud of my success. But I'm also keenly aware that when breastfeeding is over, my portions will have to change or my waistline will.